The Black Leather, Paunchy, Hordes: Being a Biker

I was just at the gas station trying to remember which side my gas cap was on when I noticed two lesbians on a Harley taking off. The front/driver/husband had on a wife beater t-shirt, huge arm tattoos on her huge arms, and a grim visage. They were both about 50 years old, 5’5” and 250 pounds. Although you would normally never say a full sized Harley is too small for two people, this one certainly appeared to be so. I hope they don’t encounter any sharp corners…good bye and good luck..ah..ladies!
I was considering how people who buy Harleys and bike around now feel the need to play “dress up” very similar to how the peddlers who I call the “neon hordes” feel the need to don a certain type of hideously bright, skin tight second skin costume to feel like they can pedal their bicycles leisurely down the middle of our local highways. http://425talker.blogspot.com/search?q=neon
I know at the turn of the century some women referred to the swim suits of the day as a “swimming costumes” maybe that is what is developing today. People seem to feel the need to identify with certain groups and assume that they must broadcast their allegiance so you will know for sure what-the-fuck they truly are. I suppose this is why evangelical Christians feel driven to wear logo shirts, get tattoos on their calves of Calvary, and having fish bumper stickers swimming sideways on their Volvos.
There is a man I know whose nickname is “little Mike” (or thereabouts) and he is quite diminutive. He does have a Harley though, and a full beard, long hair, (looks like Hagred in Harry Potter)long wallet hanging out the back attached with chain, black t-shirts that usually say something about Harleys, biking or drinking, and black boots of course. At times someone will say “Watch out for little Mike… he IS a biker you know”, laughingly.
If you own a Harley almost every article of clothing you wear needs to be black. One group of people I occasionally visit in the Fall City area all wear so much black that I stick out like a sore thumb with a red jacket and blue jeans. Also you really need to fight the helmet thing with all your might, ala Jack Nicholson in “Easy Rider” wearing the football helmet. A half helmet, Nazi style, or maybe even an old ass WW1 leather helmet, but whatever it is it has to be as non-protective and goofy as possible. It has been fun to watch a female friend accessorize herself, now that she dates a man that owns I believe, two Harleys. She has donned the doo-rag on her head and is trying bravely to appear as “bikeresque” as possible. One of the most bizarre examples is a man I met who had the back covering, spread winged Harley logo on his jacket, the same logo the same size on his vest and on his t-shirt. I remarked on this. He said “yeah that goes skin deep too, if you want me to take off my shirt”. I allowed I believed him, without the need to see more corporate logos.

Biker definition: Merriam-Webster says a biker is a “motorcyclist especially one who is a member of a organized club or group”
Biker definition: according to Me: (1)A biker is a person who rides their bike rain or shine, summer or winter to all activities they participate in, including work, school, dating and mom’s house. (2) Someone who is the member of a club or gang and they wear colors and have office titles like “Bandidios Sergeant at Arms”.

Unfortunately, Harleys are expensive and few dudes who are 20 and struggling with their first job can afford one. Most Harleys these days are ridden by fat, middle aged, Microsoft developers and they only come out on weekends, (in the summer when it is unseasonably nice), where they drive them down to the local tavern in someplace like Duvall, where they can stand outside in their leather chaps and leather vests and look at the latest chrome gew-gaw they paid someone else to install on their $27,000 dollar “bike”. This is fine and good I suppose, but owning a consumer good does not change your personality or make you tough, or much of anything really. You are just someone who gets to play dress up all summer instead of only on October 31st. Are these people bikers? Well…not to me.

Of course there are those two who play biker and have a Harley knockoff or worse yet a Goldwing. Finally there are the biker wannabes and they dress in Harley gear and don't have a bike at all...WTF?

I suppose I think more of a book written by Hunter S. Thompson titled: “Hell's Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga of the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs” as true bikers. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/index.html?curid=1648890

Why these baby-boomers are trying to pretend they are tough, tattooed Harley ridin’ bikers, I can only guess, midlife crisis? Thinking the purchase of an overly loud motorcycle will give them courage and freedom? I can’t say only watch and wonder. I suppose it is easy enough; you don’t have to exercise or get in shape, you don’t have to read or practice or learn anything, you just have to buy a dangerous toy and you have a whole new exciting life………. They try and cram lost cubicle years into a few crazy weekends, riding their expensive avatars over to Winthrop, dressed in the finest biker livery, Steppenwolf songs playing in their gray haired heads.

Your Dog Won't Laugh if it Sees You Naked

Do you know if your dog sees you naked it won’t burst out laughing? I know this because I have tested it. Dogs are pretty much man’s best friend I guess. If you quit feeding a cat it will go to the neighbor’s house for food or even go and kill something but a dog will just sit there and starve.
You have most likely also heard the saw about “the more I get to know people the more I like my dog”. Dogs are supposed to have true unconditional love. Anyway I find it odd people so often are more outraged by people’s treatment of animals than of other humans. For instance, there have been several police shootings here recently, one at an Everett Restaurant and one on the Woodinville Duvall road where people were killed. In both those cases eye witnesses said the police had no reason whatsoever to kill those two men. Neither was armed. There has been almost zero public outrage.
However, if a couple State Troopers beat a couple baby seagulls to death the public goes completely nuts! http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2009510595_webseagulls20m.html (there is 107 comments). To the troopers credit they did say the seagulls were “being aggressive” and this is usually the same terminology they use when killing a person. They were “afraid” or the person was “walking toward them” even when unarmed, and instead of shooting them once in the leg they were compelled to shoot multiple times in the heart-lung area. I am sure these troopers felt real and unmitigated fear from those small birds.

Can you remember back to when the Marine threw the puppy off the cliff in Iraq and had a U-tube video posted of the event? http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20080613/OPINION01/46575095 I would post a link but I am sure it is gone because it caused a FIRESTORM of controversy. The kid was local to the PNW, I think Monroe and even his family here was getting death threats. Jeez! But of course thousands of innocent women and children have died in Iraq and no one says much do they? Even the men fighting our troops are just trying to repel an invading force that really has no business being there. Wouldn’t you fight back if we had an occupying army in the US no matter how much you hated and despised our current administration? Of course you would, if you have any balls and you are a patriot. Now that the US army is not allowed in Baghdad without permission, the government has not asked for help or given permission one single time, the Iraqi people do not want us there at all under any circumstances, which of course is not only not surprising but makes perfect sense. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/iraq/2009400213_iraq30.html

Why did I write this? Was it the incredulity I felt as I read about the latest PETA stupidity about not throwing dead fish at the Pike Street Market? No. It was this article today about a poor woman who happened to leave her two dogs in the car and they died. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/iraq/2009400213_iraq30.html Reading the comments from the people, and their bitter stupid outrage, was jarring evento me, even though I am used to it, and a bit jaded. I am sure this woman loved her dogs very much and is horrified enough as it is. Leave it to the animal crazies though to kick someone when they are really down and to not really have much of a perspective about much of anything important

Yes I have a black lab Pinky(pictured), that I love very much. She made the King County “read to your dog” poster this month.

15 to 25 Year-Olds will Change the World!: Just Kidding

In the last month about fifty articles and blogs have come out addressing how kids/teens use various media and social interaction differently than adults. Apparently, the hook is that people in the 15-25 year old demographic will eventually come up and completely change the world and the way of doing things. Things like business and living, making money and paying bills right? Because isn’t that what we really care about? They will turn the social media world on its ear and everything will change to the way they currently do things..right? Isn’t that the fear that a business doesn’t have a leading edge strategy in selling to the next great new wave of consumers?
Many people have spotlighted this article by Matthew Robson, written for Morgan Stanley. http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2009/jul/13/teenage-media-habits-morgan-stanley . Basically the kid says teenagers don’t have a lot of money, they upgrade their phones every two years on their birthdays, because they have no money. They play a lot of video games and they watch TV, and they use their cell phones a lot. Does this really impact what a business strategy should be for the future? Will these fifteen-year-olds get older and out in public and have a job and change the way people do things? The answer is no.
Reading between the lines of his article the reason kids make the choices they do is that:
They have no money
They see no reason to act differently
Well that will change my deary, very quickly in fact. If you ask a 20 year old or a 25 year old right now what is their main concern, I will bet you cash it has to do with getting a cool job-score! Or making money in general. Sure they want to get laid (money), have fun and party (money), and have really cool toys (money), could be some want to actually get married and have kids (mucho money), or buy a house (extreme money).
They business world will change them in its’ due course. Like the action of a glacier it will move them. If you have been on Twitter at all, just about everyone on there is trying to network and get information, mostly to further their ideas, advance their pull, and of course make money. Yes I know all these reality shots sounds a little jaded.
Personally, I just graduated from college last year and I also work with many people in the hallowed 15-25 “solid gold” demographic (although not there myself). I remember having a conversation with a young woman working her way through school hooking. Her attitude was this: She wanted a college education to get a good job and make money. She could bust her ass 40 hours a week or hook for maybe 10 hours a week and make the same money and have more time for herself and homework.
As these young people matriculate into the work force they will not all be video game designers. One of the best “Fail” posters is a young boy sitting at a window it says: “Reality the toughest game of all”! Many will have jobs doing pretty much all the same crap we currently do, such is life. Sure, cell phones are king, everybody uses them, many of these younger kids will get Blackberries and I-phones and get on whatever social networks they think they need to, to make money and move up in the company. Some will start their own cool businesses and by far the lion’s share of those will fail.
Many of these kids are on Facebook and guess what? So is my 75 year old mother! Bottom line is this; the social media network that provides value, is easy to use, and helps people make money, will make money itself. MySpace didn’t do this, kids used the hell out of MySpace and for all intents and purposes MySpace is already dead.
My point is this, the kids will adapt to the world, the world of business, not the other way around. They will get haircuts, cover their hideous tattoos as much as possible, or get them re-done, and they will travel to social media conventions for the wishes of their company. They will start to discuss insurance and 401K plans with their friends. They will get Costco cards and yes, they will use Twitter, (or its equivalent), to try and make a buck. Once mommy and daddy quit paying the bills it is a rude awakening out in the real world, wasn’t it that way for you?